“Karel.”

“Yes?”

Karel wiped sweat from his brow as he set down the axe he’d been using to chop wood.

“I understand that you don’t intend to pick up a sword again, but…”

Lucius let out a long sigh.

“When speaking with the children, please choose your words more carefully. It’s good that you’re setting boundaries, but there’s no need to scare them.”

A few weeks back Karel had shown up at the orphanage with two newborns in tow. He had apparently come to pass the infants he had been entrusted with off to more capable hands and was intending to leave to parts unknown once he was done, but one day of making sure the children were okay led into another day which then led into a week which led into another and he just… never left.

“...I’m sorry,” Karel looked away, “That wasn’t my intention, but...”

He had spent the time since helping out where he could, but sometimes it became painfully obvious he hadn’t spent much of his life around children. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been trying his best, but there remained a wide gap between the ideal caregiver and the person Karel was at the moment.

“I’ll go apologize to them now.”

“I appreciate it, Karel.”

That being said, there was also quite a gap between the Karel that Lucius had met years before and the Karel that was now walking away Lucius, and the orphanage was short on helpful hands, so… perhaps this arrangement wasn’t as reckless as it seemed at first glance.

 

---

 

Another week passed, and a local farmer had an unexpectedly good harvest and donated his surplus to the orphanage, so Lucius and Karel found themselves in the kitchen preparing some potatoes for dinner.

Lots of potatoes.

And as they peeled and chopped and diced and sliced those potatoes, not a single word had been spoken.

Karel wasn’t a particularly talkative man, and Lucius didn’t mind that, but this was different. It seemed like Karel was trying to avoid him, but it didn’t seem to be out of anger. There was an awkwardness, a timidness to the Karel on the other side of the kitchen with his back to Lucius that reminded him of a child who knows they’ve done something wrong, and it’s something you’ve yet to find out about.

It reminded him of…

No, he should focus on the potatoes.

Potatoes were one of the better vegetables that could be donated to the orphanage. There were so many different ways to prepare and season them, and they weren’t particularly difficult to prepare either. They were also fairly easy to handle, so if any of the kids wanted to (or had been sentenced to) help with dinner it was something he could comfortably hand off to them without needing to devote too much attention to supervising them.

But potatoes could only serve as so much of a distraction, and eventually Lucius grew tired of this half-baked silence where something needed to be said.

“Is something bothering you, Karel?”

Karel continued to peel his potatoes as he let Lucius’ question hang in the air.

“I’d like to offer my assistance, if you’d allow me.”

“I… I don’t mean to spit on your hospitality, but why are you letting me stay?”

Never one to wield a dull blade, Karel cut right to the heart of the matter.

“We needed the help.”

“I meant… why me of all people?”

Lucius paused his peeling for a moment.

“Please, don’t be afraid to be blunt. In your position, I would have taken the children and turned me away.”

“Because it’s clear that you’ve changed.”

Could Lucius have imagined that the swordsman who said things like ‘it will soon rain blood’ completely unprovoked would one day be deemed fit to be entrusted with a pair of newborns? Could Lucius have imagined that he would do whatever he could to take that responsibility seriously? Could Lucius have imagined that man with something other than bloodlust in his eyes?

No.

But people change.

No matter how hard people try, they change. It may be due to some drive within themselves, or it may be due to the world around them, but by nature people aren’t static beings, and it was hard to deny those changes when they’re staring you in the face.

Karel seemed to be satisfied with that vague half-answer and he went back to peeling.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“What are your plans for the future?”

Lucius knew how he’d answer.

“I’m not sure.”

Karel was lost.

Karel had been lost for a while, perhaps even before they had first met. He had been tormented by something for years, and while it’s possible that that something may have changed, it was plain as day that that restlessness, that uncertainty about what to do had been the driving force behind Karel’s actions for a long, long time.

“That’s fine. Let me know if there’s anything else you need.”

Lucius didn’t expect Karel to accept his offer for guidance – at least, not right away. Perhaps he wouldn’t even accept it from him, but maybe one day he’d stop fighting his battles all on his own.

Judging from the oppressive silence that quickly returned to the kitchen, today wasn’t going to be that day.

 

---

 

Time continued its march, and Karel found himself fall into the role of a sort of groundskeeper at the orphanage.

Lucius had just gotten back from a trip into town when Karel, outside partaking in all sorts of groundskeeping activities, called out to him.

“Lucius! Do you have a moment?”

“Sure.”

“I’m sorry.”

Karel apologizing for something minor had become a bit of a regular occurrence at the orphanage.

“For what?”

Karel hesitated for a moment.

“I was… very unkind to you when we first met.”

“Oh. That.”

Lucius hadn’t forgotten about it. He had honestly been wondering how long they could go without this topic coming up, and it seemed like today was finally the day. He was fine with letting bygones be bygones, but if Karel wanted to dredge up the past, why stop him?

“I never apologized for it until now either, and I’m sorry for that too.”

“Is that why you came here? Out of guilt?”

Karel stared at Lucius, puzzled.

“Oh, no, not at all,” he said, having finally realized what Lucius was implying, “I was given two babies to take care of and had heard of an orphanage being here, but I hadn’t known you were running it… though I think it’d be a lie if I said it wasn’t one of the reasons why I’ve stuck around.”

And the other reasons were… probably because it was something to do, and it kept him out of trouble, Lucius guessed. Whatever they were, it seemed like a weight had been lifted off of Karel’s shoulders, and he didn’t need to pry any further.

“Was there anything else?”

And all too quickly, that weight came crashing back down, and it took Lucius a moment to realize why.

Right.

He hadn’t actually acknowledged the apology in any capacity.

“Ah, my mistake, my mind is elsewhere today. I appreciate that you went out of your way to apologize after all this time, but it’s… I’ve long since moved on. Nothing good comes from clinging to every time you’ve been slighted, after all.”

A little life returned to Karel’s eyes.

“Is that all?”

Karel started to nod, but suddenly stopped himself.

It struck Lucius as peculiar, but before he had the chance to speculate, Karel spoke.

“I know I’m not one to speak, but how are you doing?”

Lucius stared at Karel for a moment, feeling equal parts surprise and weariness.

“I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

He knew what Karel was asking, but if Karel wanted the two of them to head down that road, he’d have to be willing to say it outright.

“I mean…”

Karel trailed off, and Lucius’ patience was wearing thin.

“I appreciate the concern, Karel, but I’m fine.”

Lucius turned to walk away, but Karel grabbed his arm and stopped him from going any further.

“Let go of me.”

“Lucius, it’s not fair to ask me to open up to you if you won’t do the same.”

“Let go.”

He tried to pull away, but Karel’s grip was far too strong for someone of Lucius’s build to twist out of.

“You’re hurting, Lucius! Just like how I was, just like how I still am, and it hurts me to see you like this!”

“And what could someone like you do!?”

Karel let go of Lucius, probably out of shock if nothing else, and Lucius took the chance to rush inside.

He didn’t look back.

He knew he shouldn’t have said that.

Part of him wanted to be able to say that it felt good, even just in the heat of the moment, to say that, because at least then it meant something, at least then he wasn’t just saying it to hurt Karel.

But no, it didn’t feel good to say that.

Lucius had been angry, and frustrated, and he lashed out in anger. It made him sick that he couldn’t just have turned around and apologized, it made him sick that Karel had every right to be concerned for him, and it made him sick that that was apparently who he was now, but at least he had it within him to pull away from that situation before he said something even worse.

At least he could take comfort in the fact that he wasn’t as truly pathetic as he could be.

 

---

 

Karel wasn’t present at dinner that night. The children noticed, but their curiosity waned once it became clear Lucius didn’t know where he was. Plates were polished and utensils were cleaned, and Lucius was finally able to retreat to the privacy of his room.

He was still mad.

He was mad at himself for losing control.

He was mad at himself for running away.

He was mad at himself for continuing to let these feelings simmer and stewing in self-loathing instead of making even the most lukewarm attempt at improving the situation.

There was a knock at the door and Lucius realized the sun had already set.

“Lucius, are you in there?”

It was Karel.

“About earlier today… I’m sorry.”

That got Lucius’ attention. What did Karel have to be sorry for?

“I crossed some lines that I shouldn’t have… and I was rougher than I should have been. I shouldn’t have grabbed you, and I shouldn’t have tried to push you to tell me things you didn’t want to.”

“The door isn’t locked,” Lucius sighed, “You can come in.”

It took a moment, but the door slowly opened and Karel entered the room, shutting it behind him. Lucius had yet to light any candles and Karel remained shrouded in darkness, but even through the darkness Lucius could feel how… timid Karel was right now. There was an innocence, an earnestness to Karel’s actions, to how he apologized, to how he tried to fix the things he had done wrong. He knew he already had drawn the comparison between Karel and a young child, to how they both wanted so much to do ‘the right thing’, but as time went by he really hadn’t had much reason to stop.

“Lucius?”

But if Karel was like a child, what did that make Lucius, who struggled to say a simple ‘I’m sorry’?

No. This pity party wasn’t helping anyone.

“You don’t need to apologize for anything, Karel. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn’t have said those things, and I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I’m sorry, Karel.”

Karel was quiet for a while.

“Lucius?” he asked, as if to make sure the monk was still there in the room with him.

“Yes?”

“I appreciate all that you’ve done for me. You’ve given me a second chance here, and I don’t think I could ever repay you for that, but… if you’ll allow me, I’d like to help you in the same ways you’ve helped me.”

Lucius thought about it for a while.

It wasn’t a bad idea on paper, and in practice it probably wouldn’t end badly, but… was he even comfortable with that kind of relationship? Where he’d rely on someone? And rely on them emotionally?

It was worth a shot, if nothing else.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that… but I’d like to give an honest try.”

“Thank you for giving me this chance, Lucius.”

Karel yawned.

“It’s getting late, isn’t it? I’m glad we were able to talk about this, but I really should be heading to bed.”

He opened the door and turned back to Lucius, now framed by the dim lighting in the hallway.

“Goodnight Lucius. Let’s have a fresh start tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Karel.”

 

---

 

Afterword

This was a nagamas gift for @kidlightings on tumblr

This was an... interesting piece to write! Karel being in that transition period before he's hot mellow as he's still reintegrating himself into a society that's not as hyperviolent was kinda fun to write, and it was a pretty fun challenge to try to figure out what kind of person Lucius would become in the wake of Raven's absence (read into that however you will). In-game he's not really someone who gets particularly heated, but he does stand up to Karel's edgelord routine in their B support and manages to get him to open up a bit during their A support, and it was really interesting to sort of flip that dynamic for this piece and have Karel be the one who tries to be the pillar of support for Lucius. Hope y'all vibed with this take on their relationship as much as I did :)